A journey of love, experimentation and gender change

Extract from Monday, 17th January, 2011

From “Winter 2011 – Chapter 10 – Implants”

I was tired through lack of sleep, thirsty and hungry – not a good start to the day. I was uncharacteristically miserable, and Marc told me so.

I showered and dressed – jeans and a top … nothing special for my trip to the hospital. I checked my bag again for the most important items: C-cup sports bra; phone, music player, netbook, a book to read, pens and a notebook. Plus some clothes, toiletries, make-up, and my chocolate emergency rations. I so wanted to eat a piece.

We drove down to Manchester and found the hospital without any dramas. The walk to the clinic was miles down corridors, up stairs, and along more corridors. The two-stage booking in process ended in a small waiting room. At least going private meant I didn’t have to join the queues that seemed to be everywhere.

I’d hardly ever been in hospitals, but I was sure I was allergic to them. I don’t like them on principal – hospitals are mostly full of sick and broken people … not a healthy atmosphere.

As it was my first time in a hospital as a private patient, I was curious about the differences. Eventually – it was only after ten minutes, really – a nurse came out of a door to collect me.

“Good morning, Ms Ryan?”

“Yes, that’s me.”

“We’re ready for you now. Have you got everything you need? Best to check before your partner leaves.”

Yes, I had everything, including butterflies. I kissed and hugged Marc.

“You’ll be fine. It’ll be over in no time and I’ll be back to see you.”

I wanted to say, ‘you won’t forget, will you’.

“You should be awake by about three o’clock this afternoon, but we’d prefer you not to have any visitors until tomorrow.”

I nodded, gave Marc one last kiss, and followed the nurse down the corridor, through some security doors, and into a room furnished with a bed, some chairs, and a small wardrobe.

“I’ll give you a few moments to unpack and settle in, then you need to get undressed and put this gown on.” She motioned to a shapeless off-white bundle. “You can leave your knickers on.” And she was gone.

I put my bag on the bed and walked over to the window. There was a reasonable view out across the city, with trees and parkland in the middle distance. The room was pleasant but not palatial. Still, it wasn’t as though I’d be here very long. I unpacked, undressed, and put the shapeless gown on.

I got the impression the nurse had been watching, as she was back the moment I sat down. “We have to start the pre-med.”

Half an hour later I was wheeled down to the theatre, given another injection, and everything went blank.


An instant later, or so it seemed, I was aware of not being unconscious anymore. I wasn’t exactly conscious either. Slowly I worked out where I was, and remembered why.

“How are you feeling?” It was the nurse again.

“Weird.” I slurred.

“You just need to lie back and rest for half an hour while the anaesthetic finishes wearing off. I’ll pop back and see you them.”

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